candeo

coming soon

2009-05-01T20:58:00.004-04:00

I hate prolonged goodbyes, but candeo will be taken off line in about a week.

If you're interested, please check out our new blog: D and J in TZ

We hope you will stay in touch!

in process

2009-04-20T15:08:00.002-04:00

I know I’ve done it before.

Instead of really listening to my friend, I’ve tried to brush off concerns they’re sharing with a hurried and disingenuous,

“You’ll be fine! You’re so ____ and ____, I’m SURE things will go great!”

Which is exactly what I’m hearing a lot of these days when people ask about Tanzania and my genuine response is, “I’m scared.”

It’s especially frustrating when these things are said by friends who are good people, and well-intentioned--but have little overseas travel experience, let alone experience living in a developing country.

Thankfully, I can’t get in a superior huff over this because I have done it before. And on any given day, especially when I’m in a rush, or am feeling uncomfortable or not interested in engaging, I would certainly do it again.

As the time for us to leave draws closer, I’m realizing how ‘in process’ we are. In the process of counting the costs and saying goodbye to the mostly charmed life we've led in New York. So please, do not hold anything we may share or say to you during this time against us.

We go through days where we sound like total nutcases, “Maybe something BAD will happen and we won’t have to go to Africa!!” “$529,000 for a studio on Perry St? It’s a SIGN! We’re supposed to buy that place and stay here! FOREVER!”

We go through days where we act like there is no God at all--trying desperately to align all the stars and plan every possible detail out so we’ll feel in control and safe.

And in rare moments of clarity, I realize that while we’re in process--our friends and family will need much patience in dealing with us. To bear with us when we act like spoiled children and forget that there is a God in heaven--the mighty and merciful one.

time to say goodbye

2009-04-08T19:30:00.003-04:00

After almost 3 years, I think this blog's time may be close to up.
(I might have it in me to write a few more...maybe.)

We will likely start a "D & J in Africa" blog soon though.

If you'd like info on that, please email or leave a comment.

Thank you.

shanghainese lessons

2009-03-29T20:06:00.012-04:00

Shanghainese is, how should I say it, a boisterous and colorful Chinese dialect. A sampling:

"nonh hoh" = Hello
"SAA ma zhi??" = What is this?
"saa ning?" = Who?
"va ling" = very BAD!
"doo bee bawh" = I'm full
"saa zing gwang" = What time is it?
"bung peh" = stupid person (my favorite)

Shanghainese Breakfast--totally un-South Beach

Yu Garden, with Pudong's towers in the distance

Yes, those are real children inside!

Yummies from "Dong Bei Ren"

Some of my former students

"Niu rou mian"

Jin Mao Tower overshadowed now by the Shanghai World Financial Center (the bottle opener)

The view from inside the bottle opener building

Happy Birthday to JH!

vacation notice!

2009-03-18T21:43:00.003-04:00

In 3 days we'll take our first trip back to Shanghai together since 2004!
Since we only have a week it will be a mad flurry! The plan is really simple:

Eat.
Get massages and facials (me).
See as many old friends as we can.
Go on a day trip to Suzhou or Hangzhou.
Visit the school where we first met--and some of my former students (5th Grade then, 11th Grade now!!).

And maybe, probably--just a *little* bit of shopping.

african friends and money

2009-03-16T21:13:00.003-04:00

Let me start this post by acknowledging up front that I have only spent 3 weeks in Africa and know that I know nothing.

During even just 3 weeks, it was impossible not to feel awkward and unsure of how to behave as a foreigner with money.

Walking around with our 1.5 liter bottles of drinking water, eyed by all the street children that followed us around.
Riding local buses with ipods in our ears and cameras in our bags.
Pulling out Power bars that we brought from home to eat, without having enough to share with everyone around us.

People we interacted with for an hour or two would ask us to buy them a cellphone, or pay their school fees. It was easy to judge these requests as outrageously forward and inappropriate. But hopefully, at some point, I'll understand a bit better.

A friend recommended we read African Friends and Money Matters by David Maranz. From page 4:

"What is the one most fundamental economic consideration in the majority of African societies? I believe the answer is approximately this: the distribution of economic resources so that all persons may have their minimum needs met, or at least that they may survive. This distribution is the African social security system...

What is the one most fundamental economic consideration in Western society? The answer is the accumulation of capital and wealth. This is possible because natural resources are bountiful and rationally developed. Consequently, most citizens have had opportunity to achieve a comfortable life with ample material goods."

humility

2009-03-14T13:18:00.006-04:00

I've been challenged lately, by the realization that more often than not, the best way to love my friend is to listen. To not be in such a mad rush to fix things with my words of wisdom and advice and forceful attempts to be useful:

"Have you read this book!!?" "Have you heard this sermon!?""Have you tried yoga or counseling or eating less highly refined carbs?"

"Humility is attentive patience."
~Simone Weil

petits riens

2009-03-08T08:25:00.004-04:00

Academic Earth
Because, minus the exams, I would go to school forever if I could.

Levain Cookies
They weigh like a pound, pack 800 calories (I'm guessing) and cost almost $4 each. But it's not so bad if you share.

Two-tone shoes. Just fun.

*********

"French women make sure they have lots of petits riens, those little nothings that are actually quite something to us." ~Mireille Guiliano

spring times

2009-03-07T16:05:00.001-05:00

For some reason, springtime always prompts a kind of reminiscing of the different places I've experienced it, my favorite season.

Toronto springtimes I should know best. Spring was Easter Sunrise Service at the Exhibition Grounds, and coming back to the church gym for hot drinks. It was the cautious shedding of winter gear until that cruel April (or May...or June) snowstorm blasted it's way through the city and you were forced to don the trusty Mountain Equipment Co-Op Gore-Tex once more. Slow-coming, but when it comes--that smell, the steady trickling of melting snow, the emaciated squirrels scampering around Queen's Park--it is glorious!

Spring in Shanghai, like the fall, was precious because both of them held the few comfortable weeks of the year, weather wise. It was plum blossom festivals, photo excursions with RW to find the "real Shanghai", and planning May Holiday vacations--like our backpacking trip to Yunnan, "land of eternal spring". It was when our students were finally allowed back outside to roam the Living Quarters on their rollerblades and skateboards, when they would ring our doorbell (it was impossible to hide where you lived) to see if I'd go play with them or admire some crazy gigantic praying mantis they were holding captive.

In Boston, spring was running along the Charles River, me going one way, the crew teams going the other, with pink blooms and lines of poetry (Emerson and Frost, posted on wooden signs) dotting the route. It was begging for extensions on all four final papers, and then wishing the professors had just said no. It was celebrations with the BYOP youth after long months of campaigning for cleaner school bathrooms or some similar cause. Spring was when I roamed the city on a bridal shower scavenger hunt, from Chinatown to Fenway Park--thanks to MC.

Springtime in New York is gone before you have time to search for the right trench coat and rubber boots. It's trips to the orchid show in the Bronx, and admiring the tulips pushing their way through the median of Park Avenue, the long branches of willow and cherry being sold at every florist and corner store. It's the return of al fresco dining on every inch of sidewalk that can fit a chair and table--even if that chair and table are facing a dumpster. Spring last year, was saying goodbye to too many friends all at once and the beginning of our relationship with Tanzania.

Who knows what the Tanzanian springs will be like?

********

(Photo by K. Brummit)

for no good reason

2009-03-05T18:35:00.005-05:00

Except that it's been a rough day.
And a rough week.
And this was delightful.

(From several blogs, but chiefly, culture-making.com)

A little Lent Levity

2009-03-03T19:15:00.004-05:00

When I'm tempted to take myself too seriously...

(Sent to me by KW.)

homework

2009-03-01T12:49:00.007-05:00

Throughout the fall, it seemed like everyone was talking about Sonship,Friends recommended we do it in preparation for Tanzania, and so we are. The deal is this: For about 8 months, you listen to talks, read material, do 'homework' and speak with a trained mentor person every two weeks.

At the heart of Sonship is the idea that even though Christians believe that Christ has not only set us free from death and judgment, but has ALSO, amazingly, made us sons and daughters of God--we still essentially act like 'orphans'. Trying to prove our worthiness to everyone (and ourselves) all the time.

This week's 'homework' was, "For one week:

Do not gossip (or spread a bad report)

Do not complain

Do not criticize

Do not blame shift

Do not defend yourself

Do not boast

Do not deceive others

But do: Affirm and build others up according to their needs"

And then to keep a log of what you actually end up saying. Or thinking. Things I've noticed:

I'm kind of ok (when I'm not tired and hungry and grouchy) at not expressing my criticisms or complaints out loud all the time, but I'll definitely think them--constantly (don't we call them 'critical thinking skills'?)
It's easy for me to pass gossiping off as some kind of benevolent paternalistic, "Don't you think So-and-So has been too this-and-that lately? How can we help him/her?"
I kept finding ways to justify complaining: things need to improve in our workplace! In this marriage! In our society! We should not stand for inefficiency! Inertia! Inequality! Ineptitude!
I can also pass off blame-shifting as "seeing all sides of the picture". What cosmic injustice would it be if I were to just admit the part where I was wrong and leave it at that?
I'm good at not "boasting" in the way Asian parents teach you not to boast, but also like Asians (though it's not exclusive to Asians I know) I'm great at still drawing attention to myself with self-deprecation and false humility. Sigh.
It's extremely difficult not to defend myself. My idol is approval after all--I want to set the record straight!

With all the recent food allergies, I've been good at keeping track of what I eat. Keeping track of what I say has proven to be more interesting than I thought or wanted it to be.

The promise:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 3:5

His grace is enough.

saturday morning

2009-02-28T09:55:00.004-05:00

D is up at 6:30 for work, and gets back tomorrow at 8:30. Hopefully.
I get up at 8. Breakfast. Word.

"Give thanks to the Lord,
for he is good;
his love endures forever."

A walk to and through the park.

End of the month means moving trucks and

urban detritus on many a corner:
desks and stools and artificial Christmas trees,
magazines, shoeboxes, lamps and paper shredders.

Dog walkers with 4-5-6 dogs--trying to rein them all in:
retrievers and blonde labs and spaniels.

Running groups: The intense, 5-6 minute milers

in spandex and Asics hats,
and the more leisurely ones,

with dads pushing strollers,

women in pink 'Breast Cancer Survivor' shirts.
The occasional pair of bikers whizzing by.
French tourists being led by a red flag-waving guide,

admiring the Angel Statue.

Uniformed doormen staring out onto the streets,

building maintenance men hose down the sidewalk

where the dogs have been, pausing for walkers like me.

Coffee smells, grocery bags with baguettes and flowers sticking out.

Fresh Direct Trucks and nail salons with only a few customers.

Back at home, time to work!

trash to treasure

2009-02-24T20:24:00.004-05:00

Is it not a powerful metaphor for God's work in this world--turning trash into treasure? From the dumpster to the art gallery...

African artist, El Anatsui flattens discarded bottle caps to create "glistening sculptures that resemble fabric." A hopeful reminder also, that with some imagination, the mind-bogglingly mountainous amounts of garbage we produce (at least some of it) can be mined and spun like straw, into gold.

El Anatsui in NYT Magazine

coraline

2009-02-22T09:20:00.004-05:00

The basic premise of Coraline is a familiar but appealing one: lonely, neglected girl encounters a strange new world in which her courage and willingness to sacrifice for others is tested, leaving her, in the end, with deep appreciation for ordinary life and relationships. Not, in many ways, unlike Miyazaki's Spirited Away, Pan's Labyrinth or even Pleasantville.

It also reminded me of C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters in that the maniacal "Other Mother" studies her victim's lives, especially all the things they perceive as "bad" in order to lure them through an entirely fake but fabulous "dream life" (complete with perfect parents, perfect food, and perfect friends that behave exactly how you want them to). The sweetest thing about the fake life? It's completely tailored to your preferences and esteem--your name in lights! Your name sung by singing, flying, fantastical creatures! Your name and beautiful images of you everywhere! Of course by the time you realize that this dream life is a sham, it's too late--you have become a ghost!

Which left me musing over the wisdom of St. Francis of Assisi:

“Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self.”

It's no small thing, to be grateful for ordinary life and ordinary relationships.

just food

2009-02-21T17:30:00.000-05:00

Terrible news.
I think I've developed some sort of chocolate allergy.
Itchy, rashy troubles have been plaguing me.
Even after just small bits of it.
Even after the good stuff.

Of all the things to be allergic to.

"Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate." ~Patrick Skene Catling

techno-fast

2009-02-21T17:12:00.002-05:00

Lent is coming soon--and my thought is: It's about time I did some kind of technology fast. I fully own the fact that I have a major email and mindless internet checking addiction that is getting to be kind of a problem.

I haven't figured out the basic parameters yet. e.g. How can one effectively limit the amount of emailing and internet activity done at work, for work? What actually will and email/internet 'fast' outside of work look like? Maybe limit all time online to once a day, for less than 20 minutes or something?

Last Wednesday, at work, we had visitors fly in from out of town to give us a presentation on a new piece of technology we may or may not purchase. Out of the roughly 20 people present, almost half used their Blackberry/iPhones on and off. One colleague who did not use a Blackberry/iPhone pointed this out to me afterwards, not in condemnation, but with concern: How can we use technology appropriately without ending up being used by it? Could we not, out of respect for our visitors who were with us in the flesh, actually give them our full attention for that hour or so?

Then I read a talk by Neil Postman, the author of Amusing Ourselves to Death. In it, he shares five things he had learned about technology after 30 years of studying its historical and cultural impact. If you're interested, three are summarized below.

1. All technological change is a trade-off.

e.g. Computers: "Ask anyone who knows something about computers to talk about them, and you will find that they will, unabashedly and relentlessly, extol the wonders of computers. You will also find that in most cases they will completely neglect to mention any of the liabilities of computers. This is a dangerous imbalance, since the greater the wonders of a technology, the greater will be its negative consequences."

2. Every new technology benefits some and harms others.

e.g. Television: "In America, where television has taken hold more deeply than anywhere else, there are many people who find it a blessing, not least those who have achieved high-paying, gratifying careers in television as executives, technicians, directors, newscasters and entertainers. On the other hand, and in the long run, television may bring an end to the careers of school teachers since school was an invention of the printing press and must stand or fall on the issue of how much importance the printed word will have in the future...Who specifically benefits from the development of a new technology? Which groups, what type of person, what kind of industry will be favored? And, of course, which groups of people will thereby be harmed?"

3. Media tend to become mythic.

There is "a common tendency to think of our technological creations as if they were God-given, as if they were a part of the natural order of things. e.g. Television: "If you should propose to the average American that television broadcasting should not begin until 5 PM and should cease at 11 PM, or propose that there should be no television commercials, he will think the idea ridiculous. But not because he disagrees with your cultural agenda. He will think it ridiculous because he assumes you are proposing that something in nature be changed; as if you are suggesting that the sun should rise at 10 AM instead of at 6."

To read the entire talk: Five Things

un-Valentine's Day

2009-02-15T09:04:00.006-05:00

Guest List
A few of our favorite, fantastic and currently unattached friends

'Menu'
-St. Andre and Smoked Gouda
-'Field Fresh' (Food Emporium) Strawberries
-Pigs in a Blanket (Tim's trademark)
-Crudite (Sylvie's healthy contribution)
-KFC, mashed potatoes, green beans and corn (not corndogs)
-Pio Pio Peruvian Chicken + Avacado Salad + Fried Plantain
-Cabernet, Proseco (from O) and assorted soft drinks
-Rick's Dessert "Pizza": glazed berries on cheesecake icing on chocolate chip cookie dough

Un-Valentine's Day Program
-assorted violent and totally unromantic movies (which we never watched)
-Rick's "Lord of the Rings in 10 Minutes" ("YOU. SHALL NOT. PASSSSS!!!")
-And at Whitney's and my insistence: Apples to Apples and Taboo!

Good times.

daybreak

2009-02-12T20:32:00.002-05:00

We have been reading Bonhoeffer's Life Together at work as a team and it has really sobered my fanatical checking of email and news first thing in the morning:

"For Christians, the beginning of the day should not be burdened and oppressed with besetting concerns for the day's work. At the threshold of the new day stands the Lord who made it...therefore at the beginning of the day let all distraction and empty talk be silenced and led the first thought and the first word belong to Him whom our whole life belongs."
~Bonhoeffer, Life Together

reality

2009-02-07T13:30:00.003-05:00

As I have shared with some already, I am easily unsettled about moving to Tanzania.

We've been following blogs of contacts and friends in East Africa and the news is...hard.

'Today, our team was robbed, and our offices were trashed by thieves.'
'Today as I was vomiting, I realized our sink had been taken over by ants.'
'Today, our entire family got diarrhea after lunch.'
'Today, I got my sixth skin infection since moving here.'
'Today, our ENTIRE family got malaria.'
'Today, a local businessman was bitten by a snake 7 times and died with the snake still on the hospital floor.'

Are we tough enough for this?
I don't know.

Do we trust God enough for this?
I don't know.

“Got to let go of the things that keep you tethered,
Take your place with grace and then be on your way.”
~Bruce Cockburn

almond cookies

2009-02-07T10:11:00.010-05:00

After an intense month of work for D, including a week of nights (where at best, we saw each other for ten minutes a day, and at worst, not at all) we're looking forward to some of our favorite New York things:

Cappuccinos and cheesecake and tiramisu at Veniero's in the East Village, ramen at Setagaya, also in the East Village, running in the park, a movie (the Oscar nominated Shorts?) at the IFC Center, and lazily reading the Sunday Times (Sports and Front Page for him, Style and Week in Review for me).

And somewhat related, I'm on a the hunt for almond cookies that will be half as good as the ones DP and SL brought back from a fancy lunch at the Four Seasons (restaurant, not hotel). Chewy, just the right size, with a dusting of almondy sweetness...like a rustic macaron. SL and I hope these cookies (also from Veniero's) will be it!

"A macaroon-like cookie filled with chewy almond paste and topped with crunchy pignoli (pine) nuts. If you’re feeling bold, prepare dip the cookie in some Dulce De Leche ice cream. Unreal." ~NYC Food Guy

about the 'giving more'

2009-02-03T17:54:00.000-05:00

So as I wrote last month, we set ourselves the goal of giving more than 10% (gross) of our income. Qualitatively, this means a general rule of "spending less on ourselves" and being prayerful, proactive and consistent in directing that money elsewhere.

Right now, our giving largely goes towards (In roughly the order of highest to lowest giving--we are open to change):

1. Our local church (Redeemer)

2. Local needs (through organizations like Hope for New York, Restore NYC)

3. Supporting the worldwide church (overseas missionary friends)

4. Global needs (through organizations like World Vision, and IJM)

5. Random Blessings

The idea for a "Random Blessings" category came from my friend RM about 4 years ago. Basically, you leave some room each month to help meet any random needs (especially for the people in your local community, but not exclusively) i.e. helping a friend or family member who has lost their job, buying a meal for a homeless person, responding to calls for aid in emergency situations...you get the idea.

For me, the discipline of 'leaving some room' flows strongly out of an awareness of Old Testament passages like Leviticus 23:22

"When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God."

Don't reap to the very edges, leave some room for the poor.

Some friends of mine have also talked about "tithing your time". i.e. Making sure you give time each month for outreach, service--but that is another story for another day.

living in america

2009-01-31T17:00:00.010-05:00

"Football combines the two worst features of America--violence interspersed with committee meetings."

~George Will (quoted in First Things, "Gridiron Nation" by Jeffrey Marlett)

Fellow Canadians, I ask you: did we ever throw or attend any Stanley Cup Playoff Parties? Because I KNOW FOR SURE we never threw or attended any CFL parties. (CFL? Yes, my American friends, there is an actual Canadian Football League.)

Today I asked my brothers and dad whether they had any Superbowl Party plans. They seemed almost offended by the question--Superbowl Party??! What are you, American now?

It's no secret: I'm in it entirely for the wings, ribs and company--and the ability to kinda participate in the post-game debriefs that will take up a good part of Monday morning.

It's funny. I didn't expect this aspect of American culture to grow on me so much.

the breakfast room

2009-01-31T16:46:00.008-05:00

"What I am after is the first impression--I want to show all one sees on first entering the room--what my eye takes in at first glance." ~Pierre Bonnard

We went to see an exhibit of Bonnard interiors today at the Met. It was packed. For many years, I've enjoyed his renderings of haphazardly set breakfast tables. And maybe not for any deeper reason than that breakfast is my favorite meal of the day!

Chinese New Year nostalgia

2009-01-27T20:08:00.003-05:00

In the last 8 years, I have been home (in Toronto) for Chinese New Year exactly once.

And maybe it's because I'm looking at things from a (safe) distance away, or maybe I'm just getting old, but I miss the raucousness of multi-generation gatherings of Chinese people.

I miss the elaborate mishmash of things to eat at the potluck dinners (lasagna and fried rice with 'lap cheung' and store-bought barbeque pork and those multi-layer things of jello that were so in vogue up to the late 90s).

I miss the ritual theatrics of parents fighting for the bill after dinner in some private room at a big Chinese restaurant in Markham or North York. This was usually after the more flamboyant uncles (never aunties), had karaoke-d their hearts out with passionate renditions of "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" or anything by Elvis Presley.

I even miss reciting the 4 syllable New Year's blessings only to receive a chocolate coin in the red envelope (instead of the five bucks you were hoping for).

I know. If I were back in Toronto now and found myself in the midst of one of these celebrations, I would very likely be rolling my eyes and mortified that my dad was trying to sing Elvis again. But inside, I would be happy.

aim higher

2009-01-27T17:33:00.002-05:00

"If the highest aim of a captain
were to preserve his ship,
he would keep it in port forever."
~St. Thomas Aquinas

all about my husband

2009-01-24T08:26:00.002-05:00

Let me tell you a few fun facts about my husband.

His favorite pizza is cheese pizza.
He is a big fan of butter and cheese and yummy meaty things (which I often feel bad ordering myself but will end up eating half of. His portion that is.)

He enjoys college ball games (less "showboating"), running the Central Park Loop (he finds it unfathomable that I often run at the gym instead of the Park), and anything to do with Yao Ming and Shanghai. Like so many other native northern Californians, he is never really 100% happy to live anywhere other than northern California.

Sometimes he'll present patients in his sleep with arm gestures and everything.
And even in the darkest, toughest days and nights of residency, he couldn't help being 'doctor'ish.
Maybe it's his "ISFJ"ness.

Happy 30th Birthday!

simple gifts

2009-01-20T19:04:00.003-05:00

Air and Simple Gifts

Not that this very moving day is at all about me, but please imagine my delight when I heard the first hints of "Simple Gifts" being played by Anthony McGill on the clarinet at Obama's inauguration this morning.

It's just that I happened to walk down the aisle about 2.5 years ago to "Simple Gifts". Naturally, the piece lives in a special place in my heart.

While watching the ceremony from the Redeemer conference room among some watery-eyed colleagues, I could not help but feel something that could only be called pride, awe and yes, even hope.

My friend MR noted with wonder that a black family is sleeping in the White House tonight.

When I left the office, the Empire State building was lit up red, white and blue.

"When true simplicity is gained,
to bow and to bend we will not be ashamed,
to turn, turn will be our delight,
til by turning, turning we come round right."
~Simple Gifts, Shaker "hymn"

almond blossom

2009-01-17T20:38:00.002-05:00

"It is absolutely certain that I shall never do important things". ~Van Gogh

('He was then 37 years old, had been painting for less than ten years and had sold next to nothing.' Paul Trachtman, Smithsonian, January 2009)

Africa insight: An unlikely cheerleader

2009-01-13T20:54:00.006-05:00

Even though I've seen it posted all over Facebook already, and know it is old news to some, I had to share.

It's definitely not every day you read an article like this, in a major publication, applauding the efforts of Christian missionaries in Africa (!!). And by a person claiming to be an atheist no less:

"Now a confirmed atheist, I've become convinced of the enormous contribution that Christian evangelism makes in Africa: sharply distinct from the work of secular NGOs, government projects and international aid efforts. These alone will not do. Education and training alone will not do. In Africa Christianity changes people's hearts. It brings a spiritual transformation. The rebirth is real. The change is good...

Those who want Africa to walk tall amid 21st-century global competition must not kid themselves that providing the material means or even the know how that accompanies what we call development will make the change. A whole belief system must first be supplanted." ~ Matthew Parris

For the full article: As an atheist, I truly believe Africa needs God

new year

2009-01-11T20:12:00.005-05:00

I am the kind of person that likes making New Year's resolutions. But nothing original came to mind around the passing of 2008 so I couldn't make a big deal about it.

Then again, our scheduled move to Tanzania has potential to inspire a fresh burst of discipline and so here is one little resolution to consider:

Giving more than 10%: I am always pierced by reports of how little Western Christians actually give and how easily we convince ourselves that because we "work hard", we are entitled to spend our money however we like, no questions asked. I am increasingly disturbed by how even among close friends, personal spending patterns and any talk about money and materialism and greed are rarely discussed.

So, economic downturn or not, one goal is to increase our giving and decrease spending on ourselves and to find a few people to do this with.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year,
'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.'
And he replied,
'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.' "

~Minnie Louise Harkins 1875-1957

listening

2009-01-11T19:59:00.003-05:00

Just got back from a work weekend in Ocean Grove, NJ.

My head is spinning with TO-DOs and questions.

Emails. Upcoming deadlines. Catching up with family. Friends to pray for. Africa. Wanting to go back to school. Cleaning up the apartment. Need 5 years for school at least. What about children? When? How?

A gentle reminder from Henri:

"...it is clear that we are usually surrounded by so much outer noise that it is hard to truly hear our God when he is speaking to us. We have often become deaf, unable to know when God calls us and unable to understand in which direction he calls us. Thus our lives have become absurd. In the word absurd we find the Latin word surdus which means "deaf". A spiritual life requres discipline because we need to learn to listen to God who constantly speaks but whom we seldom hear.

When we learn to listen, our lives become obedient lives. The word obedient comes from the Latin word audire which means "listening". A spiritual discpline is necessary in order to move slowly from an absurd life to an obedient life, from a life filled with noisy worries to a life in which there is some free inner space where can listen to God and follow..."

~Henri Nouwen

epcot take one

2009-01-03T18:28:00.002-05:00

30/70: The chances that a random stranger asked to take a photo for you will consider the composition of that photo. I guess it's a lot to ask. =)

bits of news news

2009-01-03T17:52:00.004-05:00

I don't know where to begin so it's just all gonna come out in bits and pieces:

1. It's official: My mother-in-law confirmed that her side of the family has a non-Chinese ancestor. Hungarian, to be exact. Something about one of her great great great to the nth 'great' grandfathers going to defend China from invading armies and bringing back a foreign wife. Or something. I am so excited about this. I knew it all along.

2. We are going to Mwanza, Tanzania in August 09. It's right on the shores of Lake Victoria. Crazy, I know. I've been reading some Isak Dinesen to 'prepare' myself to live in East Africa. Everyone should come on safari! Two hours to the Serengeti!

3. We had a fun time on vacation with very good, very old friends and family. One highlight was a Christmas choir service hosted by Steven Curtis Chapman +fireworks! But we probably don't need to go back to Disney for another 10-15 years.

4. Children are germ factories and made us both sick for over a week now. It totally sucks.

Alright. I will try to write in full paragraphs next time. Happy New Year to all!

vacation notice

2008-12-18T09:32:00.002-05:00

We are going to Florida with friends of nearly 15 years (at least by my calculations!), and then to San Francisco for a few days.

Will be back and eager to write sometime around the turn of the new year!

in defense of Christmas

2008-12-08T21:18:00.003-05:00

I hate to post someone else's post--but this caught my eye and I had to share. By Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic:

Via Instapundit comes the news that Amazon has now banned the term "Christmas" from one of its advertising campaigns. It is now, on Amazon, "12 Days of Holiday," rather than "12 Days of Christmas."

Well, this Jew objects. I mean, for Christ's sake, it's Christmas. Can't we call a thing by its name? Hannukah is a minor holiday of a minority religion. New Year's Day is merely a day on the calendar. It's a holiday season because it's Christmas. I love Christmas. I don't celebrate it, but I love it; I love the season, the lights, the chestnuts, the message of peace. I love the way our most Jewish city, New York, looks on Christmas. "Holiday" isn't a holiday. It's a way of avoiding offense. But who, exactly, is offended? This is what I don't understand. I'm perfectly happy living in a country that is populated mainly by Christians, particularly Christians who show nothing but acceptance for their fellow citizens who happen to follow other religions. So it doesn't sit well with me that Christians now feel constrained to offer the anodyne "Happy Holidays" rather than a greeting that touches directly on the reason for our seasonal merriment.

So, my Christian sisters and brothers, feel absolutely free to greet me with "Merry Christmas," and I'll greet you right back. You can say "Happy Hannukah" as well, or "Happy Kwanzaa." Say, in other words, what you feel. The important thing is to not be afraid.

See his blog on The Atlantic Merry Christmas

Revelations

2008-12-04T07:12:00.000-05:00

Because PBP stood in line for hours, we'll get to see Alvin Ailey's Revelations tonight. "A taste of heaven", she describes it. As PBP is not one to drop compliments indisciminately, we're very excited about the performance.

"Ailey's danced in many cultures where tradition mandates that audiences barely clap, but at the end of 'Revelations' they're up and screaming..." ~Ronni Favors, Ailey's rehearsal director and former company dancer

If you have five minutes and want your own glimpse: Revelations

just in time

2008-12-02T18:27:00.001-05:00

I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions.
~ Dorothy Day, The Long Loneliness

city snapshot 2: afternoon at The Plaza

2008-11-28T08:05:00.002-05:00

It was the coldest Saturday afternoon of the season and we had a mission: Operation Move the Bags. It is likely that we would not have been as excited to Move the Bags were we not moving them to a suite at the Plaza Hotel.

I admit to feeling more than my fair share of entirely unwarranted smugness as we walked past all the gawking, snapping tourists craning their necks to see further inside the storied establishment.

We found our way to the surprisingly unostentatious check-in counters and without much adieu landed in a small-ish ornate elevator that took us away from the craning crowds. The carpet in the hallway was thick and had such a lovely design I couldn't stop looking at the ground. It was quiet.

We're sure we were being spied on as we made our way to the last room on the left because just as we entered, a butler popped up out of nowhere and asked us for permission to enter to “Explain The Room” to us. And would we like tea or coffee? I was so distracted by the carpet again, the graceful pheasants on the matching chairs, the fine magazines on the credenza, the elegantly designed tile formation of the bathroom and all the toiletries, that I said No Thanks.

We learned a lot. Like that the bathtub takes 40 minutes to fill and 19 or so to drain. That if we so requested, the butler could be available to wake us up gently at our requested wake-up time. Too bad he didn't know that we were merely the Bag Movers and would not get to enjoy the fine services he was so attentively describing.

We think there was a changing of the guard, as forty minutes later, after we had explored as much of the hotel as we were interested in, another butler popped up out of nowhere and offered us tea and coffee again. I'm pretty sure he was faking an English accent, but who was I to judge? We enjoyed some fine tea and coffee and left to go eat at Whole Foods at Columbus Circle where the stars were lit up for Christmas.

city snapshot

2008-11-27T11:27:00.005-05:00

I'll admit it's somewhat melodramatic to begin mourning our eventual (and maybe temporary?) departure from New York.

But as Toni Morrison put it, "It's sheer good fortune to miss someone long before they leave you." So, I don't see it as a necessarily bad thing that I'm already missing New York. And in this early stage of 'missing', I've started to think of little moments experienced here and there that make me smile, or think, or drive me cuckoo about living here. One such moment:

I left the office one night unprepared for rain. The sidewalks along Broadway were crowded with the usual blend of tourists, fashionistas and the general mid-town rank and file. I braced myself for a quick and determined march. I'm excellent at weaving my way to the front of a crowd.

As I was walking, an African-American man tilted his umbrella slightly towards me. Curious and a little surprised, I inquired: “Are you trying to share with me?” “Sure, why not?” Since it was coming down pretty hard, I suppressed the faint, faint echoes of my mother (who I fear will never, ever be able to give up warning me to about having conversations with male strangers).

It might have been one of the most pleasant conversations I've ever had with a male stranger on the streets of New York. We shared weekend plans: he was going to Home Depot to get some parts to fix a broken toilet. I was—I can't remember. We got to the 34th Street station right near Macy's and said goodbye. It was totally unsketchy. And for some reason, made me thankful.

2008-11-27T10:42:00.003-05:00

"...gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."
~ G.K. Chesteron

(I made an apple pie for the first time! But it doesn't look quite like this one.)

totoro!

2008-11-23T19:31:00.004-05:00

I know I'm not the only fan of Totoro or Miyazaki or the saving of forests out there! We will definitely be visiting the Cartoon Museum in San Francisco this Christmas.

Totoro Forest Project

cards from africa

2008-11-22T21:45:00.003-05:00

Please allow a rare advertisement on behalf of some social entrepreneur friends:

Banyan Paper sells some lovely Christmas (and all kinds of) cards made by Rwandan orphans affected by the genocide (see ad below). The cards are made from recycling office materials! Check it out!

news news

2008-11-18T22:05:00.007-05:00

Since all major parties have been notified already, I can now share some of our News News. And earnestly request prayers.

If all goes according to plan (and really, who knows what can happen in 8 months) , we'll be moving in July 2009. Again. D has an offer to do Pediatric AIDS work in one of six potential African countries. Terribly scary. And terribly exciting.

No, I don't know what I'll be doing there yet.
No, we don't know which country yet.
No, our parents are not exactly thrilled.
But they should be kinda used to this by now.

In case anyone is interested:

Time Article

Baylor Pediatric AIDS Corp

to me and my ENFJ friends

2008-11-13T21:49:00.003-05:00

We *like* and wholeheartedly agree with what they say about us:

"ENFJs focus on others, feeling a glow when those around them are happy, and troubled when something is amiss. They are natural cheerleaders, often expressing support, gratitude, and encouragement, and heaping praise onto those they appreciate.

They take note of what is being done and what needs doing, offering their assistance wherever necessary. ENFJs enjoy organizing group activities and tend to take their commitments seriously. In general, they are reliable and do not like to disappoint others." (from Wikipedia)

But unfortunately, as we all know, it also means we are extremely sensitive to criticism. And we mull over negative feedback for a long time. And we go back and forth from being defensive and angry and hurt, to gritting our teeth and accepting that critics may be right after all so we roll up our sleeves and try to make the (sometimes) painful changes.

Take heart! This connection might seem random, but I'll make a mini case for it anyway:

Augustine says,

"Love God, and do as you please."

So, let's keep focusing on the loving God part and then do our thing, and worry a little less about the noise.

I'll say it again, let's focus on the loving God part, so we can love people better without getting tripped up and bogged down by their opinion of us.

jerusalem windows

2008-11-10T07:45:00.000-05:00

"When I am finishing a picture, I hold some God-made object up to it - a rock, a flower, the branch of a tree or my hand - as a final test. If the painting stands up beside a thing man cannot make, the painting is authentic. If there's a clash between the two, it's bad art." ~ Marc Chagall

Hmm...

(We went to see "Chagall's Bible" at the Museum of Biblical Art this weekend.)

autumn in new york

2008-11-08T14:57:00.001-05:00

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." Isaiah 55:12

The Visitor's Center

2008-11-08T13:25:00.004-05:00

A few of us turned 30 this year. Even with all the talk about "30 being the new 20", I know it's easy to be afflicted by some kind of early-adulthood-existential-crisis. What did I do with my 20s? Where is my career going? What have I done with my life so far that I can be proud of? Why am I not where I thought I would be? And worst of all--why is my life not like __________'s?

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this, out loud, to some, but mostly by myself.

One story that I've been mulling over is from Gary Haugen. I think it's a worthwhile read whatever age you are or level of existential angst you may be experiencing. I hope it can be encouraging to some. I did have to hack his original talk to bits because it's really far too long to post anywhere. But you can read the whole thing here.

"One of the saddest regrets of my life is having gone on the trip but missed the adventure. One summer when I was a young boy of about 10, I was camping and hiking with my Dad and my brothers up in Mount Rainier, this massive volcanic dome of rock and glacier that goes 14,000 feet up into the sky outside Seattle.

One particular day I just didn't want to go on. [I saw] these large warning signs that indicate that you're now beginning to get on the trail that leads up to the summit. The sign warns of every possible catastrophe that could happen if you went on beyond the sign.

Now, my Dad suggested that we go up to the base camp from which the summiteers go to the top. My brothers, of course, they eagerly accepted and off they were beyond the sign and up the trails. My dad assured me. He said, 'You can make it', that he would help me, and that the view and the triumph would be more than worth the effort. But I was worried. What if Dad is wrong and I can't make it?

With all kinds of mounting anxieties beating within my little chest, I responded really the only way a 10-year-old boy can to such a situation, I just said, "No, that looks boring to me." I suggested I'd like to hang out at the Visitor's Center. My dad tried to woo me up the mountain, but then after a while he relented and explained that it would be a long day at the Visitor's Center with them climbing the mountain.

I scurried back down the back, back into the Visitor's Center, and quickly found myself feeling pretty pleased about myself. The Visitor's Center was warm and comfortable with lots of interesting things to read and to watch. Judging by the crowd, this was really quite the place to be.

As the afternoon stretched on, however, the massive Visitor's Center started to seem awfully small. The warm air started to feel stuffy and the stuffed animals seemed just dead. The inspiring loop videos about the extraordinary people who climbed the mountain just weren't as interesting on the 6th and 7th time. They just made me feel like, I wish I was one of those people going up the mountain rather than just watching others. I felt bored, sleepy, and small. And I missed my dad. And I was totally stuck. Totally safe but totally stuck.

After the longest afternoon in my 10-year-old life my dad and my brothers returned, flushed with their triumph. Their faces were red from the cold and their eyes were clear with delight. They were wet from the snow, they were famished, they were dehydrated and nursing scrapes from the rocks and the ice. But on the long drive home they had something else. They had stories and they had a remarkable day with their dad upon the great mountain.

I, of course, revealed nothing insisting that this was my favorite day of the entire vacation. But, truth be told, I went on the trip but I missed the adventure, and 34 years later I still remember the afternoon in the Visitor's Center. Moreover, it's my sense that many of my fellow Christians are starting to suspect that they are stuck at the Visitor's Center. And they are traveling with Jesus but missing the adventure.

In different times and in different ways our heavenly Father offers us a simple proposition: Follow me beyond what you can control, beyond where your own strength and competencies can take you, and beyond what is affirmed or risked by the crowd, and you will experience me and my power and my wisdom and my love. Jesus beckons me to follow him to that place of weakness where I risk the vulnerability of a child so that I might know that my Father is strong and how much he loves me."

drum major instinct

2008-11-04T07:24:00.000-05:00

In Mark 10, James and John ask Jesus for ultra exclusive VIP seats beside Him in eternity. The other disciples are furious. But only because they were probably hoping to ask Jesus the same thing and James and John beat them to it.

On this election day, I humbly submit Martin Luther King Jr.'s take on the passage:

"Before we condemn [James and John] too quickly, let us look calmly and honestly at ourselves, and we will discover that we too have those same basic desires for recognition, for importance. That same desire for attention, that same desire to be first...there is deep down within all of us an instinct. It's a kind of drum major instinct—a desire to be out front, a desire to lead the parade, a desire to be first. And it is something that runs the whole gamut of life....

We all want to be important, to surpass others, to achieve distinction, to lead the parade. Alfred Adler, the great psychoanalyst, contends that this is the dominant impulse. Sigmund Freud used to contend that sex was the dominant impulse, and Adler came with a new argument saying that this quest for recognition, this desire for attention, this desire for distinction is the basic impulse, the basic drive of human life, this drum major instinct..."

And let us consider this, in our own exercise of leadership and use of what power God has granted us:

"If you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind.

Yes, Jesus, I want to be on your right or your left side, not for any selfish reason. I want to be on your right or your left side, not in terms of some political kingdom or ambition. But I just want to be there in love and in justice and in truth and in commitment to others, so that we can make of this old world a new world."

Full text for The Drum Major Instinct

playing hooky!

2008-11-03T09:43:00.004-05:00

To take the Upper East Side snobbery even further (I SAW THAT Brother Schawel!)--this is what I'm going to do today instead of going to work:

Chanel Mobile Art

And then I'm going to yoga class, take a trip down to Soho to pick up some Uniqlo winter wear and find a recipe for healthier apple pie. My goal is to learn to make (healthier) apple pie by (American) Thanksgiving.

pre-election musical musings

2008-11-03T09:30:00.000-05:00

I've been an-out-of-control election news junkie the past few months. And as I watch both candidates' last-ditch efforts to become president I keep thinking of the appropriateness of Coldplay's Viva la Vida:

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand...

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
~Coldplay, Viva la Vida

Who would ever want to be king?

goodbye summer goodbye

2008-10-28T20:07:00.006-04:00

Today I pulled out the cold-weather accessories and acknowledged that summer is gone.

To commemorate the unoffical end to summer 2008, I share the recipe for the "Leninade" (as it's known at Pravda NYC and known elsewhere as The Southside). Do not mistake me for a cool kinda gal who regularly orders chic cocktails and knows how to be cool in a bar. But this one was refreshingly fun and will be fondly remembered as a highlight to an otherwise difficult summer.

A special note about the Leninade from our "best bartender in Manhattan" friend DP: "In the summer of 2002, this was the only classic cocktail that I had mastered, and it single handedly paid my rent for a year. In Manhattan. It's that good." His recipe below.

Glassware: Martini

2 oz Citrus Vodka
2 oz Fresh Lemon Juice
Pinch of fresh mint
Dash of Grenadine for color
Splash of 7-Up

Once done shaking, add the 7-Up. Strain, using a Julip strainer, into martini glass. It should look like lemonade with fresh mint lightly floating atop the surface. No need for garnish.

idol I.D.

2008-10-24T17:24:00.007-04:00

At work this week, I had to read a lot about idols. So I wanted to share. Please note: This is ALL stuff that my gifted and brilliant colleagues at Redeemer have developed--I'm only a messenger hoping to avoid breaking copyright laws by sharing snippets here only...

Let's start with a definition:

“An idol is something within creation that is inflated to function as a substitute for God...Idols are not just on pagan altars, but in the well-educated human hearts and minds...in the dynamics of human greed, lust, craving and coveting...” Richard Keyes

So why do we care about understanding idols anyway? IF we submit that our hearts will always be restless until they rest in Him THEN substitutes for God like a spouse, a fabulous home, or amazing career--will never, ever give us the fulfillment, comfort, pleasure and happiness we expect them to. Idols are a big problem.

Take a look at some examples: (these are definitely some of mine)

A) Helping Idol--“Life has meaning/I only have worth if – people are dependent on me and need me”

B) Work Idol--“Life has meaning/I only have worth if – I am highly productive and getting a lot done.”

C) Achievement Idol--“Life has meaning/I only have worth if – I am being recognized for my accomplishments, if I am excelling in my career.”

Then try and use some tools to figure out what some of our idols might be:

Emotions as Indicators
A. When you are anxious or fearful--Is it because there is something too important to you? Are you telling yourself you have to have something? Is something being threatened which you think is a necessity, but is not?

B. When you are angry—are you being blocked from having something you think is necessity?

Other Diagnostic Questions
A. What is my Greatest Nightmare? What do I worry about the most?

B. What do I rely on or comfort myself with when things go bad or get difficult?

C. What makes me feel the most self-worth?

Now What?

I won't get into the gospel cure or way to 'dismantle idols' here and now. For that, you'll have to wait for the full version to be published (or you might already have an earlier version if you're a Redeemer leader)...OR even BETTER...figure it out with some your peoples.

But a taste of it:

“The faith that is able to warm itself at the fire of God's love, instead of having to steal love and self-acceptance from other sources is actually the root of holiness.” ~Richard Lovelace

happy mac!

2008-10-19T12:56:00.002-04:00

And yes, it may be of interest to some that I am the proud owner of the brand spanking new Macbook!

It's beautiful.

But more importantly it means we're Skype-able.

Skype away!

south beach day 29

2008-10-19T12:12:00.002-04:00

So it was not about losing weight.

Not primarily anyway.

A friend at the office raved about the South Beach Diet. He swore up and down that it helped him kick junk and sugar cravings, drop cholesterol, and yes, lose a few dozen pounds.

After the last half marathon, I was looking for a new health/fitness challenge. I was especially interested to find out if junk/sugar cravings could really be kicked. I was pretty skeptical. I was even more skeptical when friends like EC (who has done it at least twice) said I would end up enjoying dark chocolate. Blech. I've always written people who like dark chocolate off as suffering from pretentious, delusional, stuck-at-the-adult-table-itis.

Well, I've started to enjoy dark chocolate. During the first 2 weeks of the program (when you're basically eating nothing but low-fat cottage cheese, chicken breast and 20 unsalted peanuts a day) I began to unwrap small bars of dark chocolate, sniff it and put it back in my desk. (I know that sounds sick. But I did go to a chocolate tasting class this summer and the instructor kept talking about using your 5 senses to fully enjoy chocolate. So there.) And now that I can eat teensy bits of chocolate again--well, let's just say I'm converted.

I'm nearing the end of "Phase 2" of the diet which means I can start to eat almost everything again. But I'm supposed to have "learned how to make wise food choices" which basically means that all the foods that gave me such joy in my pre-South-Beach life will have to be eaten like once every 4 months. I draw the line at fried chicken, chicken wings and kalbi though.

I can say that overall, trying the South Beach did help me appreciate good, simple food like oatmeal, strawberries and fresh vegetables. I also realized how much mindless eating I do: eat junk to procrastinate, eat junk when I'm bored and eat all kinds of junk to make me feel better on bad days, at "special occasions" and just out of habit. The diet is not without critics of course. Sugar substitutes are featured prominently which I think is sketchy. You're probably better off eating small amounts of real sugar.

In the end, I did lose a few pounds, have more glowy skin and feel better when I run. It probably won't be that long before I start eating all kinds of junk again...but I guess I can always do a modified version of the South Beach again then.

prodigal revisited

2008-10-11T23:28:00.004-04:00

I really thought we had heard all there was to hear about this parable already.

Last week, we learned that in the land where the story is set, disputing parties never reconciled on their own. A mediator was needed to help repair the damaged relationship, and the elder brother would have been the prime candidate. By refusing to assume the role of mediator, the elder brother reveals himself to be every bit as self-centred as the younger brother he despises; and just as callous to what would give their father joy.

I was really struck by this insight as a firstborn child who gets irritated at having to play the mediator between my parents and siblings. An important challenge to not shrink from ”mediating”: bringing people back to one another, and to the father.

More to come...

surfeit

2008-10-11T23:01:00.006-04:00

Every so often, we go on a kind of arts & culture rampage, as if we're afraid it's all going to disappear...or that we will.

Coming up next weekend at Carnegie Hall, we'll have jazz with Keith Jarrett who has huffily led audiences in a collective cough because coughing during a concert drives him mad.

A trip to the Tenement Museum to see what life was like here before $14 cocktails at Pravda (though we've really enjoyed all trips to Pravda).

And today was a perfect day to check out the terrace of the New Museum, admire the way the building's design lets light fall in on all floors and...

see what the the deal is with the Elizabeth Peyton portraits.

first fruits

2008-10-08T19:02:00.005-04:00

Blueberries, by Lauren Fatzinger

Throughout the year, works of art by Redeemer artists are displayed at our office for the congregation to view, and potentially purchase.

This tiny work has made me smile all week long.

"First Fruits" opens this Friday.

"The best of the first fruits of your ground you shall bring to the house of the LORD your God." - Exodus 32:26

stories to live by

2008-10-07T20:40:00.003-04:00

On the subway today, I read a review of the book Nothing to Be Frightened Of in which an atheist turned agnostic tries to make sense of his fear of death.

For the author Julian Barnes, "religious faith is not an option" but this other kind of faith is:

"We are all dying. Even the sun is dying. Homo sapiens is evolving toward some species that won't care about us whatsoever and our art and literature and scholarship will fall into utter oblivion. Every author will eventually become an unread author. And then humanity will die out and beetles will rule the world. A man can fear his own death but what is he anyway? Simply a mass of neurons. The brain is a lump of meat and the soul is merely 'a story the brain tells itself'.

It's hard to say whether this kind of thinking makes me more angry or sad. Especially because Barnes ultimately acknowledges that:

"Stripped of the Christian narrative, we gaze out on a landscape that, while fascinating, offers nothing that one could call Hope."

Is it not disturbing that people would rather choose to believe that the soul is "a story the brain tells itself" rather than the story that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image? That people would rather believe that life is basically meaningless, that nothing we devote our time and creativity now matters?

For me, this is such an incredible reminder of the power of the Christian story and that I have to keep finding ways to tell that story often, and out loud!

odds and ends

2008-09-30T19:04:00.006-04:00

It's been awhile, and currently all I have are a few Random J&D in NYC Fun Facts.

1. I've never liked chihuahuas, that is until I met a really charming one who happened to be *this* close to being *the* chihuahua in Legally Blonde! His career was cruelly cut short by a knee injury.

2. One of my former students who is a young actress was in an episode of Gossip Girl. (Blech)

3. Someone I know managed to escape being mugged at knifepoint in Hell's Kitchen at 1:30 AM by

a) advising his teenaged attackers to stay in school since "it will end up paying off more than mugging in the long-term" (this guy swears that engaging attackers in dialogue is proven statistically to better than not)
b) convincing them they were amateurs since only one of them had a knife and was holding it in an amateurish way
c) relying on his Thai boxing skills to out maneuver them, and giving him time to get the heck on outta there!

An early pre-Christmas treat: we threw a birthday/Christmas party for a good friend yesterday.

enemy

2008-09-17T19:51:00.006-04:00

I've read some interesting pieces of writing on the subject of "enemies" recently.

There was a chapter in a Don Carson book about Big Enemies and Little Enemies. We may not all have to deal with "Big Enemies", but "Little Enemies" are everywhere: the co-worker who forgot to do the thing you asked, the obliviously chatty (and sketchy) guy sitting beside you on the plane, the friend of a friend who tells awful jokes and votes for that OTHER party.

Yes, Little Enemies are everywhere.

But, what I actually want to share today is how a very famous man dealt with some Big Enemies:

"Towards the end of his 27 years in jail, Nelson Mandela began to yearn for a hotplate. He was being well fed by this point, not least because he was the world’s most famous political prisoner. But his jailers gave him too much food for lunch and not enough for supper. He had taken to saving some of his mid-day meal until the evening, by which time it was cold, and he wanted something to heat it up.

The problem was that the officer in charge of Pollsmoor prison’s maximum-security “C” wing was prickly, insecure, uncomfortable talking in English and virtually allergic to black political prisoners. To get around him, Mr Mandela started reading about rugby, a sport he had never liked but which his jailer, like most Afrikaner men, adored. Then, when they met in a corridor, Mr Mandela immediately launched into a detailed discussion, in Afrikaans, about prop forwards, scrum halves and recent games. His jailer was so charmed that before he knew it he was barking at an underling to “go and get Mandela a hotplate!”

From Mandela and Rugby

So. We've heard it said that we should love our enemies. And though Mandela was probably motivated to educate himself on rugby for other reasons--I wonder if this isn't at least a tiny bit instructive for those of us who (sometimes) strive to love our enemies--big or little.

Know your enemy, disarm your enemy, make it possible to love your enemy?

And then this insight by Bill Keller in his NY Times review,

"Having read their history and studied their sport, Mandela astonished the Afrikaners by addressing them in their language (learned in prison), but mostly by not hating them."

Hmm. That sure sounds familiar, doesn't it?

NY Times Review of Playing the Enemy

Reem Acra

2008-09-11T18:53:00.005-04:00

Like so many other events in life, there was a lot of waiting.

Waiting for everyone's invitation to be checked. And then waiting through several rounds of musical chairs as extremely fashionable ushers filled any empty front row seats. Waiting for the protective covering on the runway to be removed, for the lights to go dim and the music to pound even louder than during the musical chairs period.

But who am I kidding, it was still a NYC dream come true!

Thanks to our friend MT, I sat in the second row at the Reem Acra show at Fashion Week this afternoon! In Bryant Park! Inside the tents! I so enjoyed wandering around in the sea of stilettos and men with boldly colored polka dot socks and beautifully attired, furiously thumbing Crackberry addicts.

I did my best to look bored and disinterested out of fear that wide-eyed glee would totally give me away as Fashion Week crasher!

Reem Acra Spring 2009

singled out

2008-09-08T20:12:00.003-04:00

Our church is something like 80% single. That's like 4000 out of the 5000 or so people that regularly attend. As you can imagine, it does not take long before any conversation among any random group of people quickly turns to talk of relationships.

This article by Paige Benton Brown linked below is one of the best I've read on "singleness". But whether we're single or married the core message is profound: There is no plan B with God. And that applies to marital status, career ambitions, having babies or what have you.

A sampling:

"It is not that hell hath no fury like a women scorned, but that life has no tragedy like our God ignored...

"Can God be any less good to me on an average Tuesday morning that he was on that monumental Friday afternoon when he hung on a cross in my place? The answer is a resounding NO. God will not be less than good to me tomorrow either because God cannot be less good to me...

I long to be married. My younger sister got married two months ago. She now has an adoring husband, a whirlpool bathtub and all new Corningware. Is God being any less good to me than he is to her? The answer is a resounding NO! It is a cosmic impossibility for God to shortchange any of his children..."

An oldie but a goodie. Check it out: Single Out by God for Good

it's almost fashion week

2008-09-04T21:38:00.006-04:00

After all.

And every so often, I feel the need to digress from the usual candeo type of observations.

I succumbed to this trend. Yes, I did.

Who said dresses would die out this fall?

This is not an endorsement in any way. I can't even vote here. I just appreciate this no-fuss, long-range look.

j and r's wedding

2008-09-01T14:02:00.003-04:00

We're so happy for J and R who are happily on their way to Thailand after putting together a fabulous wedding. I had so much fun and partook of so many of my favorite Boston things all in one weekend:

1. Oishii Sushi (especially the soup!)
2. Tealuxe Kashmiri Chai Tea in Harvard Square
3. Tealuxe tea and sandwiches on Newbury
4. Boston Public Gardens
5. Driving down Memorial at night

But most of all--it was so so wonderful to catch up with our CCFC and Friday night potluck gang! Thanks MSC for hosting, must do this again soon!

a few centimetres

2008-08-24T13:28:00.008-04:00

Of all the things I miss about Canada, CBC Radio has got to rank in the top 5. And of all the CBC Radio shows I tuned into regularly, Ideas with Paul Kennedy was my favorite.

I recently went crazy downloading a million Ideas podcasts and came across an interview with Chinese architect Yung Ho Chang.

Chang's father (also an architect) gave him some advice years ago that he considered boring then:

"All an architect needs to do from time to time is to work out those few centimeters to make an apartment a little more comfortable."

Chang went on to say that given the forces of ego and a market economy, architecture is too often about making grand artistic statements rather than improving the lives of everyday people.

"So much of what is for sale is exaggerated, not practical, wasteful...selling an image not substance."

Architect or not, this was an unexpected reminder that I need to constantly adjust the way I look at "achievement" and "work". That what people value highly is generally not what God values highly.

What would "working out those few centimetres" look like in my day to day work? What would "making an apartment a little more comfortable" for someone else look like?

It's too easy to get sucked into delusions of stardom, and then be discontent at every workplace situation that doesn't feed our appetite for stardom--all the while in danger of completely missing out on the real work that God has assigned to us each day.

More about Yung Ho Chang here: Interview with Chang

culture making

2008-08-24T12:25:00.004-04:00

Culture Making came highly recommended, and I was not disappointed.

The website blurb sums up the crux of the book nicely,

"It is not enough to condemn culture. Nor is it sufficient merely to critique culture or to copy culture. Most of the time, we just consume culture. But the only way to change culture is to create culture."

Hugely thought-provoking as I consider how I spend my time and energy, and wonder what contributions I can possibly make in this world!

One of my favorite lines from the book,

"There will be French fries as well as haute cuisine at the great and final Feast."

Awesome! And as a friend at work said..."Those French fries won't add a pound to us!"

The website is well worth checking out: Culture Making

home

2008-08-18T21:18:00.003-04:00

We were in Connecticut this past weekend when we heard the news about Kaly. After eight precious hours spent with her loving parents, Kaly Grace was home. Home, with her body restored, where angels sing without ceasing.

We want to thank the C family for inviting so many of us to walk along with them on this difficult journey; for modeling faithfulness, commitment to community and resolute trust in our good Father.

And we stubbornly cling with them to the hope that one glorious day, surely this sad thing will become untrue.

on failure

2008-08-11T22:12:00.003-04:00

I never sailed through school with straight A’s. But I did get half decent grades. The truth is, those half decent grades were never the result of effortless brilliance but rather the fruit of inconsistent spurts of discipline and an intense fear of “failure”.

Failure meant different things at different times to me. In undergraduate calculus, it really did mean failure, i.e. getting an F, which I was pretty darn close to doing. At other times, it meant getting anything below an A-, receiving only mild applause after a speech or having someone leave a dinner party I threw early.

Last week I came across a lot of helpful ideas about failure that I would like to share.

First, J.K. Rowling's speech to Harvard’s class of 2008 had two themes: the importance of failure and of imagination (scroll down the link above to read the speech in full):

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

Next, “The antidote for the fear of failure is not success but small doses of failure. Once you fail and realize it’s not the end of the world, you’re not as afraid to fail again.” (Craig Groeschel, It)

And to further J.K. Rowling’s point: Craig Groeschel shouts:

“[If you are not regularly failing]…maybe you need to try something new—and fail at it. I tell our staff often, 'Fail! If you’re not failing, you’ve stopped dreaming. You’ll eventually stop learning. And you will stop growing.'

So there. Let that be an encouragement to us all at some point or another.

A final thought:

“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” ~Winston Churchill

south in our mouths!

2008-08-10T11:43:00.006-04:00

Before the year 2006, 98% of what I knew about "The South" came from Gone with The Wind.

Two things I have since come to appreciate about "The South", thanks to our southern friends, include the facts that:

1. Fried chicken (and biscuits!) for breakfast is ok.

2. It is generally acceptable to insult another person in public so long as you add the words, "Bless his/her heart" immediately after said insult. (All credit to DS for this one.)

We had a great time visiting baby Henry and his proud parents in North Carolina (which is, arugably not "THAT southern"). It was a weekend full of Bojangles and Wii Fit, of being able to go UP luxuriously carpeted stairs to the second floor of A HOUSE, and marveling at how our friends have adapted to parenthood.

Here he is, happy and healthy!

not yo mama's cupcake helper

2008-08-05T20:31:00.004-04:00

“Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.” Genesis 2:19-20

This is some crazy stuff people!

God makes something out of nothing.
God invites Adam to join in on the fun.
God didn’t just invite Adam to “help” as a child “helps" her mama bake cupcakes.

He doesn't chuckle indulgently at Adam's choices while waiting to do the job right Himself. He allows Adam to truly participate in a meaningful way with lasting results.

Given the general significance of names and naming in the Bible, (“And you shall no longer be called Abram but Abraham, “He numbers the stars and calls them each by name”, Saul to Paul, Simon to Peter...) this task of naming is clearly a tremendous honor.

Who is Adam, and who are we, but creatures formed out of the ground too? And yet we've also been given this extraordinary task of naming, of tending, of co-laboring with God the creator!

Father, help us not to shrink from your invitation whether in the workplace, in our relationships or in the general use of our talents and resources.

NYC Half Marathon

2008-07-28T08:25:00.006-04:00

I woke at 5 AM to lightning and thunder. I managed to get myself out the door and over to Central Park at 97th and 5th Avenue while it was still raining. It was really something to run out of Central Park, past Carnegie Hall, through Times Square and onto 42nd Street.

Though I was far less prepared, I somehow was able to run and finish better than I did last November. Actually, I probably wouldn't have done it at all without the great coaching and support from my husband, colleagues and friends--and thank God for them and how everything went yesterday!

can

2008-07-20T11:00:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I met a kindred spirit and we got to talking about favorite children's books and life in New York and the charms of the English countryside and writing and running.

We talked about how in writing, just like in running, so much of the challenge is in your head. New York Road Runners lists the right kind of dialogue to have with yourself on Half Marathon race day.

For us, ignoring the voices that tell you you CAN'T DO IT, that you're too slow, or not talented enough or not as well trained as that guy (pushing the baby carriage, as he passes you, UP the killer hill) is as much of a workout requiring discipline, focus and a community of supporters and cheerleaders as the actual athletic or artistic endeavor itself.

Talk about ignoring the voices that tell you--YOU CAN'T. D and I first heard about The Hoyts a few years ago and it still manages to get us every time.

just a typical night in nyc

2008-07-15T20:19:00.003-04:00

Tonight in New York, Bon Jovi is playing at Madison Square Garden, The New York Philharmonic is playing Sibelius in Central Park (with fireworks!) and the All-Star Game just started in the old Yankee Stadium. What a place to be!

It's been a busy season: Hosting out-of-town guests, dinner guests, event-planning-palooza, travel planning, racking up the miles to get ready for the 1/2 marathon two Sundays from now, work and study and trying to stay connected to friends and family no matter where they are.

At some point, I'll try to write something more substantial!

and the bride wore red

2008-07-07T21:39:00.004-04:00

We were in Toronto for A and A's wedding this weekend. If you were downtown on Saturday, say by the ROM Crystal, OCAD or Eaton Centre, and you saw
14 people wandering around in wedding attire being chased by two men wielding cameras--that was us.

For the last photo we were attempting the zoned-out-commuter look. Not quite but you get the idea.

Thanks to my husband for carrying my terribly uncomfortable red high heels all over the city for me!

a tale of 2 dinners

2008-06-25T19:31:00.007-04:00

I started having a craving for deep-fried plantain back in May.

It was partly because of this craving for plantain that we naively chose to have our anniversary dinner at Asia de Cuba. That, and the fact that I'm still a sucker for occasionally going to places featured in my favorite movies and TV shows. Lame, but true.

That night we had their calamari salad (enh), lobster mai tai (enh), plantain fried rice (REALLY ENH) and their "Shanghai noodles" (SO ENH I'm embarrassed to say that we ordered it).

It was a moment of severe disenchantment with the NYC culinary scene. The crowds, the pretentiousness, the over-priced, third-rate, awful and abundant Asian fusion.

During that dinner, I finally came to appreciate my immigrant Chinese parents' unswerving focus on value and quality when eating out. Oh, for a simply prepared lobster at any number of fine establishments in the true North, strong and free.

But wait...there's always hope!

Last week, because I still craved fried plantain, we went to Flor de Mayo on the Upper West Side. We had fried plantain (finally!), a seafood paella, and their Peruvian roasted chicken. A humble meal, at a humble restaurant (as you can see below, I couldn't even find a decent picture of the place!)--and it was fantastic.

NYC Waterfalls

2008-06-25T18:47:00.009-04:00

The front page photo of today's NY Times was breathtaking. I wish you could see it in it's full glory; this photo does not do it justice.

Olafur Eliasson's "New York City Waterfalls" opens tomorrow! The project consists of four waterfalls of varying heights at different points along the waterfront.

Summer in the city--finally!

beggars throughout eternity?

2008-06-10T21:08:00.005-04:00

I don't know if there's any solid Biblical basis to the last sentence of this quote. But since I first read it a few months ago, it keeps coming back to haunt me.

“I fear there are some Christians among you to whom Christ cannot say well done good and faithful servant. Your haughty dwelling arises amidst thousands that have scarce a fire to warm themselves and have but little clothing to keep out the biting frost. You heave a sigh perhaps at a distance, but you do not visit them.

Ah, my dear friends, I am not concerned for the poor but more for you, I don’t know what Christ will say to you on the great day. You seem to be Christians yet you don’t care for his poor. What a change will pass upon you as you enter the gates of heaven. You will be saved but that will be all. There will be no abundance entrance for you. He who soweth sparingly reaps sparingly and I fear there may be many hearing me that now know they are not Christians because they do not love to give.

To give largely and liberally not grudging at all requires a new heart. An old heart would rather depart with its life blood than its money. So friends, enjoy your money, make the most of it, give none away, for I can tell you, you will be beggars throughout eternity.”

~Robert Murry McShane, 1838

In a way, the words here feel like a bludgeon--a guilt-inducing bludgeon. I don't believe that guilting people into caring about the poor is a sustainable motivator of giving, though we absolutely need frequent reminders lest we settle nicely into a contented haze of self-centred consumerism.

But perhaps it'd be helpful to balance Rev. McShane's severe statement with a reminder that when we understand God's free-flowing, never-ending generosity to us--we will gladly give.

2nd year

2008-06-10T20:37:00.006-04:00

Today is our second wedding anniversary.

We kinda have this obsessive tendency to 'take stock' on special occasions--and wedding anniversaries are no exception. For the record, he's way more into it than me. It's probably because as a child, his father always asked each family member to set new year's resolutions and would have everyone report back a year later.

My husband is now very into the--'So how has marriage CHANGED us this year?' 'What did we LEARN about marriage and each other?' 'What kind of GOALS should we set this year?' types of questions. That is just the kind of guy he is.

How has marriage changed us?

I'm worried he's turning me into more of an introvert than I ever wanted to be, (or maybe driving my extraversion to the extreme!) since his default preference is always to spend time with 'just us'.

As for how I've changed him, HA! I think he has finally been convinced that there is such thing as seasonally appropriate dressing (once he EVEN pointed out that a guy's tie was all wrong for the fall) and has mastered the art of an outraged response when I come storming home, upset that a favorite product of mine has been discontinued (why, I ask you, why??!!!).

All that aside--it has been another blessed year of life together. And I'm very thankful.

1/2 marathon Part Deux

2008-06-05T21:01:00.003-04:00

I entered the lottery to run the Nike Half Marathon with work buddy Scott.
July 27th, 7 AM Central Park to Battery Park.

We both got the "Sorry You Didn't Win the Lottery" email on Monday.

Then, he somehow worked some magic connections to New York Road Runners and CRAP, now I have 7 weeks left to train!

I suck at hills, and look at this course map.

There's some system where they pick you up at mile 7.5 if you're not done after 3 hrs. I just want to finish!!

sex and the city

2008-06-03T22:46:00.004-04:00

I saw it for the second time tonight in a PACKED Upper East Side theater (still!) of ooohing and ahhing, mostly female viewers accompanied by the occasional awkward looking man.

There's no need for me to add to the cacophony of reviews and blogs and debates out there tearing every minute detail of the movie to shreds. But I'd like to say this (minor, minor spoiler ahead):

I'd argue that it is for moments like the moment where Samantha spoons yogurt into Carrie's mouth that the series and this movie will live on and on and on.

I hear the scoffers: Psshhhh! It's the clothes, the bags, the shoes, the glorification of an upper-class Manhattan lifestyle and excessive drinking and sex...and, it's true, there is that. And there are definitely lines that make me cringe ("I love you, but I love me more.").

But I'd argue the core of why millions of women will go to see this, (even if it is problematic--hello, I hate what they did to Smith!), and why millions will continue to watch the DVDs and cleaned-up TV versions is because (even in it's fallen, worldly way) it shows that what we all want is unconditional love and friendship.

oh indiana

2008-05-27T21:26:00.007-04:00

It was as I feared it would be.

Maybe if they had brought Sean Connery back and gotten rid of that ridiculous Shia LeBeouf role...
If he becomes the new Indiana, I swear I'll never watch another George Lucas/Stephen Spielberg movie again.

I normally dislike this magazine, but if you've seen the movie and want to shake your fist at it one more time, you may want to check out: Top Ten Questions After Seeing Indiana Jones.

I regret the profanity.

All my summer movie hopes are on Michael Patrick King now.

picnic in the park

2008-05-24T19:10:00.005-04:00

thank you!

2008-05-23T08:01:00.002-04:00

For the text messages and e-cards and (some verrrry) long distance phone calls and thoughtful emails and surprise Korean birthday lunch (sneaky WK!) and mochi and Buttercup birthday cake and roses and French tulips and RENT and Muji monkey socks and ALL the well wishes.

Here we go!

forgiveness

2008-05-18T19:43:00.002-04:00

It was a bad work week.

I knew going into this job that working at a chrch would be fraught with landmines. Many of you warned me, I remember.

On some level, we all know that chrch is a place for people with problems. It's a place that's supposed to embrace the socially awkward, the lonely, the oddballs, the people with anger issues, with pride issues, with tons of relational baggage.

But even though I KNOW that, when my day to day work collides head on with people's senses of entitlement and anger and pride and awkwardness--it's so easy to get thrown.

All week, I've been up in arms about "THESE PEOPLE". THESE PEOPLE who don't read the instructions on the website I painstakingly spent weeks on. THESE PEOPLE who complain about the food we serve, who are convinced that the chrch has neglected their microscopic (YES, THAT is bitterness) niche of the New York City social landscape, who want to know WHY they can't have things THEIR WAY at the most convenient spot and time of THEIR life. THESE PEOPLE have ticked me off all week long.

So of course, today's sermon was on forgiveness.

Two things stuck out.

1) Not forgiving ultimately sucks more for ME than for the person I'm refusing to forgive.

Anger is delicious. Oh yes, plotting out icy-cold comeback emails to that guy who insulted me, re-playing an interchange over and over and telling anyone who will listen about that obnoxious phone-caller--anger and unforgiveness is delicious. But in the end, I lose.

Frederick Buechner on the matter:

"Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."

Not forgiving enslaves me and tempts me to think that I am better than I really am. Like Anne Lamott said--not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.

2) To be able to forgive, we have to avoid making cartoons out of people.

Cartoon: A ridiculously exaggerated depiction of someone. If I'm hellbent on not forgiving someone, it's sure helpful to turn them into a cartoon. So for example, someone who has lied to me once--they are now forever and only a LIAR. Someone insulted me by email--they are a forever and only a JERK.

Oh-for the clarity that comes from a faithful memory! I too have lied. I too have said callous, careless words in passing. But of course, that doesn't make me a total liar or a jerk right? I have my good moments too. And so that is what I have to extend to the offending party. Sigh.

"Too many people come into community to find something, to belong to a dynamic group, to find a life which approaches the ideal. If we come into community without knowing that the reason we come is to discover the mystery of forgiveness, we will soon be disappointed." - Jean Vanier

421

2008-05-15T22:24:00.006-04:00

Photo from National Geographic

My colleague's words quoted below really humbled me.

Yes, when I last lived there I got easily annoyed at the whiny, spoiled "421" little emperors and empresses (4 grandparents + 2 parents + 1 child).
It's too easy to love and hate and get annoyed at people in the abstract, and forget that each one of those children is beloved and made in the Image.

"I cannot look anymore ---- at the pictures of death from China...you and I debate the future prospects for China and the U.S. and how the single child policy will lead to an eventual clash or the rise of the arrogant class but in seeing some of these pictures and stories, some parents don't have their child anymore.

Moreover, did these children know the Good News? Isn't that what we should care about? that 1.3 billion don't know JC? A big deal but this earthquake may awaken people."

news news!

2008-05-10T18:37:00.003-04:00

HDS is 2 weeks old today!! We can't wait to meet him! (Note: He is not 2 weeks old in this photo!!)

May has barely started and it has been a mad month already! After stressfulness and a definite increase in my near-sightedness, I finally got the Mini Courses off the ground. So far, the most popular courses are Tolkien's "On Fairy Stories" with Tim Keller (of course), and any of the food/wine/chocolate related ones.

Today we had the privilege of volunteering at Gifted Hands. D painted walls, and I sorted mountains of jewelry donated by Macy's that will be used in art classes for those living with AIDS or without a home in NYC.

A recent interesting read was Mudhouse Sabbath whose author I had brunch with prior to a talk she gave at Redeemer. Lauren Winner grew up as an Orthodox Jew and converted to Christianity. This book contains her thoughts on the practices of Judaism she misses. Pretty interesting.

Finally, in other news, our super multi-talented farm-girl goat-rearing, make-up guru Ruth has moved to Thailand! We can't wait to visit her too!

may

2008-05-02T08:44:00.011-04:00

It's a big month everyone.

On the day of the new decade, we'll see Rent before it closes in September!

And even though I fear they may tarnish the reputation of their respective franchises, (there's a lot at stake here) let's face it, I'm not NOT going to see these both sometime around opening day!

like a tree

2008-04-29T20:43:00.003-04:00

I was so moved and humbled by these words of a much-missed friend's email today. It's pure God-centred gutsiness I tell you:

"maybe God is hindering things from happening because it's not the
most glorifying to Him... maybe He has greater miracles in store...or
maybe this is just something He wants us to go through with no
apparent redeeming qualities."

The honest, earnest faith of this family in the midst of an overseas relocation and bewildering circumstances makes me so proud to be called their friends, and so aware of our dependence on God's grace and mercy for them.

They are helping us understand what it means to be like this:

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
~Jeremiah 17:7-8

spring valentine

2008-04-24T22:20:00.004-04:00

For you who are still waiting for spring--The Brooklyn Botanic Garden

(Know that it took patience and persistence to get that cherry blossom photo without mobs of umbrella-toting, trigger-happy Asians crowding out the view!)

going on 30

2008-04-19T22:36:00.002-04:00

I thought I would have a lot figured out by the time I turned 30. 30 is about a month away from now, and let’s just say, there are many things still not figured out.

In my 20s I did quite a bit of angsting over the usual: what will I be when I grow up? Will I ever find that special (non-Chinese) guy who likes the same things I do? How can I help save the world? Cue the Michael W. Smith.

Well, I still don’t know what I’ll be when I grow up, and as you know, I did in fact, marry a Chinese guy. Which goes to show, who of us really knows anything about what we want? Which I admit, means that my current “Do we have to have children?” attitude is also subject to change. This is very scary to me right now. As for the saving of the world, yes—I’d still like to know how I can help.

I can’t tell you how many thirty-something women have told me that their 30s have been SO much better than their 20s. In my mid-20s, I smiled at these women pleasantly and assumed they all had a case of the sour-grapes. But with 30 just around the corner, and with some long-standing ambitions, hopes and plans still waiting--—I’m casting my lot in with these women after all. The best is yet to come!

Jin said today that maybe the idea of 30 being a big milestone in life is just a cultural construct. Maybe. But it still feels like kind of a big deal.

Here’s the deal: I will not draw up a 5 or 10-year plan. I can barely see 5 months into the future. But I’ll keep trying to do this, which I have been (in fits and starts) aiming for since I was 14:

“Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

And then I need to move away from being mostly talk to mostly action on this:

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

And as we make more money, or at least have the potential to in this brave new decade, we need to not forget this:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Matthew 6:19-20

And finally, as often as I can remember:
"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:8

cellphones save the world?

2008-04-16T19:39:00.006-04:00

When I borrowed Ruth's Nokia for the Uganda trip--I remember thanking God there was a flashlight built into it during all the blackouts.

Here is a guy who roams the world trying to learn what would make a cellphone better. I covet most parts of his job. Here's a sample of what I'm talking about:

"Jan Chipchase and his user-research colleagues at Nokia can rattle off example upon example of the cellphone’s ability to increase people’s productivity and well-being, mostly because of the simple fact that they can be reached.

There’s the live-in housekeeper in China who was more or less an indentured servant until she got a cellphone so that new customers could call and book her services. Or the porter who spent his days hanging around outside of department stores and construction sites hoping to be hired to carry other people’s loads but now, with a cellphone, can go only where the jobs are.

Having a call-back number, Chipchase likes to say, is having a fixed identity point, which, inside of populations that are constantly on the move — displaced by war, floods, drought or faltering economies — can be immensely valuable both as a means of keeping in touch with home communities and as a business tool. Over several years, his research team has spoken to rickshaw drivers, prostitutes, shopkeepers, day laborers and farmers, and all of them say more or less the same thing: their income gets a big boost when they have access to a cellphone."

It's long. But very interesting. Read the article Can Cellphones Help End Global Poverty?

Art

2008-04-11T21:57:00.010-04:00

Pardon one more Redeemer plug: April is Arts Month and I'm looking forward to my own version of Arts Month--

Irving Penn's Portraits at the Morgan Museum (Picasso below)

The Whitney Biennial

And the film, "The Flight of the Red Balloon" at The Paris Theater

Something worth pondering for all the aspiring artists out there:

"As believers making art to the glory of God, goodness is not merely something to strive for in our morality, but is also something we should attempt to communicate through our aesthetic efforts.

Portraying "good" well, however is excruciatingly difficult. The efforts of most artists who attempt to present a picture of "good" tend toward dishonest, sugary sweet propaganda. They ignore the implications of the Fall and paint the world as a shiny, happy place. Usually "goodness" or "good" is ignored in favoring of pursuing negative themes or motifs.

...followers of Christ who labor in the arts must take up the subject of "good" or "goodness" to the glory of God. They need to struggle to understand it and to present it in such a way that a world--forgetful of true goodness since the Fall can be taught what the word means, and so be led to the only good One. This is a unique opportunity."

~Ned Bustard, "It was Good--Making Art to the Glory of God"

i love ny

2008-04-11T21:31:00.002-04:00

I've been working on Redeemer's Summer Mini-Courses, and while the logistics sometimes border on being a pain in the butt, it's a pretty fun job overall.

This year, we'll be offering over 40 classes (up from 30 ish last year!) ranging from Investing 101 to Wagner's Ring Cycle to Summer Cocktails, to North Korea's Humanitarian Needs, Swing Dancing, Healthy Cooking, The Economics of Yankees Baseball and of course--singleness and relationships.

It's working on projects like these that make me really love New York and Redeemer.

There is just so much talent, passion and energy around. As my partner in crime WK and I get ready for these--we'll get to work with personal chefs, published writers, Saks' buyers, dance instructors, World Vision staff, Opera experts, and the list goes on and on.

If you're in NYC this summer--be sure to check out Redeemer Summer (which currently lists the offerings for 2007).

safari in tanzania

2008-04-08T22:27:00.006-04:00

Wish I could have been there!

spring break food tour

2008-03-28T22:04:00.012-04:00

My old roomie + husband came to visit Easter weekend and I stuffed them silly with NYC's finest! Well...ok, not NYC's finest, but definitely NYC's tourist hit list. I think we were all sick of standing in line near the end. I was also thinking how gear-girl out West probably goes mountain biking or rock-climbing on the weekends and here on the weekends, we stand in line for an hour and a half waiting to get a table. But there were some mighty yummy moments had by all. A small sampling:

Momofuku Ramen

Pommes Frites Belgian Fries

2nd Avenue Deli Pastrami

Lombardi's

And if you're going to have pastrami at 2nd Avenue Deli, you might as well have it with matzoh ball soup! Finally my favorite little treat--the only chichi thing on the menu, French macaroons on the way to the Met!

Being OK with Different

2008-03-25T21:30:00.004-04:00

Peter and John Running to the Tomb— Eugène Burnand (1850 – 1921), Musée d'Orsay, Paris

Mary Magdalene is distraught at the sight of the empty tomb. She rushes to tell Peter and John. They all head to the site--scared and confused. John lingers at the entrance, taking it all in. Peter bursts into the tomb boldly, but doesn't understand. Mary is crying. (John 20)

I love how differently they all behave because it reminds me that my kind of different isn't better than anyone else's kind of different.

John lingers in the entrance--and then believes.
Peter bursts in--but goes home to think.
Only Mary, heartbroken Mary stays there desperately thinking she must rescue the corpse somehow.

I love how Jesus takes the lead with all of them--loving each in the way that they need.

He calls Mary by name. He makes sure Peter knows that they're OK--2 denials before the rooster crows and all. He deigns to show Thomas the holes in his hands and side.

God help me not to be so disdainful of people who have different politics, different priorities, different ways of honoring you!

Friday

2008-03-21T15:35:00.006-04:00

Rembrandt, Ich Habe Euch Ein Beispiel Gegeben, 1655 ("I Gave You an Example.")

Stanley Spencer, The Last Supper, 1920 ©the estate of Stanley Spencer Gallery, Cookham

Eduardo Castrillo, The Redemption, Marikina Loyola National Park, Philippines, 1974

Ben Willikens, 1976–79, Deutsches Architektur-Museum, Frankfurt am Main

For more: The Last Supper

gender roles: clearing up the confusion

2008-03-16T19:33:00.004-04:00

There is a lot of confusion out there about what the Bible says about women. Among other things. But today let's just talk women.

And as usual, self-appointed expert church types have a long history of muddying the waters further--with disastrous results.

I went to a wonderful talk yesterday on gender roles by Kathy Keller. I can't hope to do a good job of summarizing it and won't even get into the hardest stuff (you can get the MP3 at redeemer.com), but allow me to share a few points I found helpful:

1. On the word "Helper"
When God says in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him"--the word for helper there is really "ezer" which is someone who provides aid out of strength that the other one lacks.

To Tim and Kathy, this means that God intended for Eve to initiate (that troublesome word!), advise, lead and minister out of her STRENGTHS.

2. The Church can set the Model for Equality
The Holy Spirit fell on both men and women at Pentecost, which overturned (or should have) centuries of abuse of power, sexism and patriarchal "crap" amongst believers (to quote Kathy). From this point on, men and women are doing equally important work --though different--in the church (I can't get into the "different" part, I won't do it justice).

3. Be Careful Editing God's Language
Some people believe it's important to change Biblical language so it's gender neutral i.e. "children of God" instead of "sons of God". But--we should always be careful when editing the word of God to make it fit our cultural moment. We are all called "sons" yes, which could be construed as unfair but we are also all called "sheep", and Christ's "bride."

4. Jesus Sets the Ultimate Example
Whether we (by we, I mostly mean, "I") like it or not, the Bible does teach that women should take a subordinate role in church and marriage. However, if we kept in mind that Jesus voluntarily takes on the subordinate role--and it was his GLORY, maybe that can help us think of it differently. If it was not unjust for Jesus (who was and is EQUAL to the Father) to voluntarily and temporarily submit himself to the Father, can it be unjust for women to do the same?

I know this is long, but two other quick points:

Reportage vs. Commandment
Many people get tripped up by stuff they read (often in the Old Testament)--all the men taking multiple wives for example. We should by no means read this to mean God condones or approves or COMMANDS this. It's simply being reported to us. Those Old Testament people--like us--made BIG mistakes.

Don't Assume
We tend to breeze right by parts of the Bible we don't like to read, let alone try and obey the stuff in there. We may be tempted to think some stuff is "cultural", and only written for the that particular moment in time so it doesn't apply to us. But actually, we should really be careful of assuming our culture is an accurate judge of all other cultures, and is somehow superior. We have to find some way to obey the hard verses, and not just stick with the ones we like.

Finally, I left there with a better understanding that men and women's roles are a gift from God, not something to be embarrassed about or revolt against. Men and women are not interchangeable in God's kingdom.

sad mac

2008-03-13T20:06:00.002-04:00

I dropped my iBook.
Twice.
Yes I know it's a dinosaur (G4), but it's still good, so why add to the heaps of technological detritus by buying a new one?

Two days ago it started ticking.
Like A BOMB.

Genius Bar Guy says,

"It's not hopeless."
"$700 to repair."
"$1099 for a new Macbook! And we'll even copy your files over for free!"

I may be reading too much of this Stuff White People Like
which annoys me because so many people are into it, but I do really really hope there are some good recycling options for laptops (does anyone know)?

There's gotta be a good business plan in here somewhere: salvaging valuable stuff from the heaps of technological detritus and using the empty shells for...something beautiful?