coming soon

I hate prolonged goodbyes, but candeo will be taken off line in about a week.

If you're interested, please check out our new blog: D and J in TZ

We hope you will stay in touch!

in process

I know I’ve done it before.

Instead of really listening to my friend, I’ve tried to brush off concerns they’re sharing with a hurried and disingenuous,

“You’ll be fine! You’re so ____ and ____, I’m SURE things will go great!”

Which is exactly what I’m hearing a lot of these days when people ask about Tanzania and my genuine response is, “I’m scared.”

It’s especially frustrating when these things are said by friends who are good people, and well-intentioned--but have little overseas travel experience, let alone experience living in a developing country.

Thankfully, I can’t get in a superior huff over this because I have done it before. And on any given day, especially when I’m in a rush, or am feeling uncomfortable or not interested in engaging, I would certainly do it again.

As the time for us to leave draws closer, I’m realizing how ‘in process’ we are. In the process of counting the costs and saying goodbye to the mostly charmed life we've led in New York. So please, do not hold anything we may share or say to you during this time against us.

We go through days where we sound like total nutcases, “Maybe something BAD will happen and we won’t have to go to Africa!!” “$529,000 for a studio on Perry St? It’s a SIGN! We’re supposed to buy that place and stay here! FOREVER!”

We go through days where we act like there is no God at all--trying desperately to align all the stars and plan every possible detail out so we’ll feel in control and safe.

And in rare moments of clarity, I realize that while we’re in process--our friends and family will need much patience in dealing with us. To bear with us when we act like spoiled children and forget that there is a God in heaven--the mighty and merciful one.

time to say goodbye

After almost 3 years, I think this blog's time may be close to up.
(I might have it in me to write a few more...maybe.)

We will likely start a "D & J in Africa" blog soon though.

If you'd like info on that, please email or leave a comment.

Thank you.

shanghainese lessons

Shanghainese is, how should I say it, a boisterous and colorful Chinese dialect. A sampling:

"nonh hoh" = Hello
"SAA ma zhi??" = What is this?
"saa ning?" = Who?
"va ling" = very BAD!
"doo bee bawh" = I'm full
"saa zing gwang" = What time is it?
"bung peh" = stupid person (my favorite)

Shanghainese Breakfast--totally un-South Beach

Yu Garden, with Pudong's towers in the distance

Yes, those are real children inside!

Yummies from "Dong Bei Ren"

Some of my former students

"Niu rou mian"

Jin Mao Tower overshadowed now by the Shanghai World Financial Center (the bottle opener)

The view from inside the bottle opener building


Happy Birthday to JH!

vacation notice!

In 3 days we'll take our first trip back to Shanghai together since 2004!
Since we only have a week it will be a mad flurry! The plan is really simple:

Eat.
Get massages and facials (me).
See as many old friends as we can.
Go on a day trip to Suzhou or Hangzhou.
Visit the school where we first met--and some of my former students (5th Grade then, 11th Grade now!!).

And maybe, probably--just a *little* bit of shopping.

african friends and money

Let me start this post by acknowledging up front that I have only spent 3 weeks in Africa and know that I know nothing.

During even just 3 weeks, it was impossible not to feel awkward and unsure of how to behave as a foreigner with money.

Walking around with our 1.5 liter bottles of drinking water, eyed by all the street children that followed us around.
Riding local buses with ipods in our ears and cameras in our bags.
Pulling out Power bars that we brought from home to eat, without having enough to share with everyone around us.

People we interacted with for an hour or two would ask us to buy them a cellphone, or pay their school fees. It was easy to judge these requests as outrageously forward and inappropriate. But hopefully, at some point, I'll understand a bit better.

A friend recommended we read African Friends and Money Matters by David Maranz. From page 4:

"What is the one most fundamental economic consideration in the majority of African societies? I believe the answer is approximately this: the distribution of economic resources so that all persons may have their minimum needs met, or at least that they may survive. This distribution is the African social security system...

What is the one most fundamental economic consideration in Western society? The answer is the accumulation of capital and wealth. This is possible because natural resources are bountiful and rationally developed. Consequently, most citizens have had opportunity to achieve a comfortable life with ample material goods."

humility

I've been challenged lately, by the realization that more often than not, the best way to love my friend is to listen. To not be in such a mad rush to fix things with my words of wisdom and advice and forceful attempts to be useful:

"Have you read this book!!?" "Have you heard this sermon!?""Have you tried yoga or counseling or eating less highly refined carbs?"

"Humility is attentive patience."
~Simone Weil