i'm not so bad
So I've been thinking recently that I'm not so bad a person. I mean, I don't really think I'm a despicable sinner. At all. When we sing songs about God's forgiveness and our wretchedness and what a crushing burden of debt Jesus has absorbed for us, I don't really feel it, most of the time.
What's going on here?
It seems so puffed up to count off all the wrongs I haven't committed (yet). But who are we kidding? I'm pretty confident that I'm innocent of major BAD sins. Nor do I even remotely get struck by the urge to actually DO anything noxiously, Desperate Housewives-ly sinful, most of the time. Good for me.
It seems I've adopted some hierarchy of sin where mine are on the mildest portion of the spectrum. They're just not that big a deal. I think.
Must I be horrified with myself to really appreciate the depth of God's love? Do I really have to FEEL it to BE what the Bible clearly says I am? Or is it simply a matter of environment? I haven't done anything so bad because I haven't really had a reason to. Put me in the hoodest of hoods, strip away parents and schooling and good friends and regular meals and what do I become then?
I'm not trying to force myself to feel wretched just to feel wretched. I just sense a flippancy here that begs more careful examining. Every action and attitude seems justifiable, 'I lost it with that guy because he cut me off', 'I'm ticked at her because she's flaky', 'It's ok to ignore this homeless guy because I already tithed. And he's probably faking it anyway. We have to be responsible stewards.'
Uh--hey--let's not turn this into a reason to email me with lists of all the bad things you've ever seen me do, or that I've ever done to you. Yikes.
What's going on here?
It seems so puffed up to count off all the wrongs I haven't committed (yet). But who are we kidding? I'm pretty confident that I'm innocent of major BAD sins. Nor do I even remotely get struck by the urge to actually DO anything noxiously, Desperate Housewives-ly sinful, most of the time. Good for me.
It seems I've adopted some hierarchy of sin where mine are on the mildest portion of the spectrum. They're just not that big a deal. I think.
Must I be horrified with myself to really appreciate the depth of God's love? Do I really have to FEEL it to BE what the Bible clearly says I am? Or is it simply a matter of environment? I haven't done anything so bad because I haven't really had a reason to. Put me in the hoodest of hoods, strip away parents and schooling and good friends and regular meals and what do I become then?
I'm not trying to force myself to feel wretched just to feel wretched. I just sense a flippancy here that begs more careful examining. Every action and attitude seems justifiable, 'I lost it with that guy because he cut me off', 'I'm ticked at her because she's flaky', 'It's ok to ignore this homeless guy because I already tithed. And he's probably faking it anyway. We have to be responsible stewards.'
Uh--hey--let's not turn this into a reason to email me with lists of all the bad things you've ever seen me do, or that I've ever done to you. Yikes.
posted by Duncan and Jen | 10:57 AM
2 Comments:
The email is on the way.. haha.. just kidding.
Interesting, what you wrote. I think that, at least outwardly, the vast majority of humanity won't commit heinous sins like murder, rape, etc. Maybe the answer comes from a shift in perspective; a shift away from "I'm not so bad" to a deeper understanding of God's holiness (i.e. God is ridiculously good). Because when we look to how good, righteous, and pure God is (to the degree that those words can even compare to the reality), then it puts even the smallest sins that we commit every day into perspective.
Also, the sacrifice of Christ on the cross is thereby put into even sharper relief, in knowing that he was God in flesh, and that he bore the most repulsive thing to his character, sin, on his spirit.
It's a concept I'm still trying to grasp, and I don't know if I ever fully will, but I think that may be a response of sorts to some of the thoughts/questions you've been having. It makes you ponder more about what it means to live a "good" life, because most people, whether you believe or not, will lead morally decent lives. This answers the question a bit more about "why do we need God?" And it also addresses the issue of why people who believe in Jesus can have hope, even if they live lives that have more sin and struggle in it than an individual who works to be good.
hope you guys are well!
hey bk - thanks for adding your thoughts. In no way am i trying to be funny or irreverent, but I guess the best answer here, as is often the case, is Jesus.
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