ENFJ Starvation

Are you tired of endless, exhausting, holiday gatherings? Sick of office parties, family dinners, obligatory functions? Are you done with crowds and constant chatter, kids running wild, people spilling things all over your carpet? Do you want some peace and quiet, some sanctuary all to yourself for at least one whole day?

If so, LET'S TRADE LIVES for a bit. Pleeeease.

The doctor's schedule takes over all normal holiday activity. No spontaneous, last-minute dinner parties for friends, no late nights watching ALL the best Christmas scenes of all time (see previous post), no going home for Christmas, none of the millions of people to see and catch up with over Swiss Chalet or Happy Jade dim sum.

So, as I know the doctor will be reading this eventually, and to uphold principles of blogging integrity, I must state the following: it's not his fault. And even though he's definitely introverted, he likes spontaneous dinner parties and going home for Christmas and being surrounded by millions of old friends almost as much as me.

According to the (admittedly imperfect) Myers-Briggs personality indicator, I am, and have been for many years-the ENFJ.
And the ENFJ outgoing, sociable part of me is STARVED. STARVED I TELL YOU!!!

I guess I can find comfort in the fact that at least one brother is coming to visit this week, and next week two beloved bridesmaids will follow...and soon...friends and neighbors will come back to New York. But in the meantime...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

puffed sleeves

I've been playing all my favourite fictional Christmas scenes in my head.

1. To Kill A Mockingbird ~ When Scout Finch asks her Uncle Jack to pass the damn ham please, at Christmas dinner. She's hoping that if she swears enough, her father will attribute it to evil peer influence and stop sending her to school.

2. Little Women ~ Pretty much the entire movie, but especially when Beth gets the piano (errr...maybe that wasn't at Christmas EXACTLY, but it was definitely in the right spirit)

3. Of COURSE, it must be included: It's A Wonderful Life ~ When the guy realizes the world would not have been better off without him. Everyone think about that for a moment. It's beautiful.

4. The Sound of Music ~ Even though it doesn't happen at Christmas at all, it's like my second favourite movie to watch during winter holidays. I used to have a crush on that cute, blonde schnitzel eating, eldest son guy. What's-his-name.

5. Home Alone 1 ~ Kevin boppin around lip-synching carols while 'shaving'. The prominent use of a Christmas carol in a minor key.

6. Harry Potter IV (book not movie) ~ When Hermione shows up drop-dead-gorgeously at the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum. Aoooow!

7. Anne of Green Gables ~ When the much loved heroine, who doesn't own a single pretty dress, gets puffed sleeves from Matthew for Christmas. This is possibly the greatest Christmas movie scene of all time.

Yes, I am a girl.

greener grass syndrome

Sleepy, I am so sleeeepy.
I might as well not post because I am just so sleepy...but here's the happs:

All you musical people out there (EH, BK...) should really consider writing some new Christmas carols, preferably in a minor key. There's a serious shortage.

I'm thinking about staying longer at Amnesty, but wish I knew if it was the right thing to do. Is it a case of the grass is always greener?

My last job was developing young leaders to make changes in their communities. Very local issues focused...how to improve guidance services, get cleaner bathrooms in schools, reinstate arts programs. Very HARD, totally unglamourous, often misunderstood work. And I was sometimes restless because I thought I wanted to focus more on international justice issues.

And Amnesty is just that: Darfur, Denounce Torture, Women's Human Rights...a global movement. Now that I have a taste of the international justice scene, I miss that neighborhood vibe, I miss the youth and their drama, and everyday, in-your-face contact with the people I was trying to work with and for.

How to balance? Paul Farmer says something about how constantly going back to Haiti keeps him grounded and effective in the international, infectious disease work he does. How to keep one's feet grounded in the local, while contributing to the massive global issues that cry out for attention?

Ok. Enough of that. Today my in-laws sent us a shipment of Omaha Steaks for Christmas. It came in a styrofoam cooler and everything, filet mignon, stuffed potatoes, chocolate cake. Parents are funny people.

we have seen the enemy

And it is us.
Actually, it is me.

This week I turned into a self-loathing, angst-ridden monster.
What's going on?
Maybe it's because I got married 6 months ago and am just coming off the high. Maybe it's because I've been job-searching for 3.5 months, and though it's arguably not THAT long a time, I've stil never "done nothing" for this long. There was always school, an internship, a summer job, then grad school or SOMETHING. Without school, or a real job I feel...so...useless. Adrift, purposeless.

Between CB and Amnesty, I'm actually working 40+ hours. And, I'm desperately trying to keep up job hunting. And I'm trying to still live up to Martha-worthy housekeeping standards. It's messed up. DH's tolerance for messiness and simply cooked meals is pretty high. He's totally happy with dumplings and piles of dirty laundry. But I get disturbed. And I can't tear myself away from cooking a real meal, and doing ALL the laundry (freakin' million white t-shirts, million boxers and 10 million socks), getting real groceries, the whole deal.

So I snapped. I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH IT ALL! (but no one is pressuring me to) I NEED TO FIND A JOB!!!! (is it because work is an idol? work = worth?) I NEED REAL FRIENDS TO TALK TO, I NEED ATTENTION (not just semi-conscious, post-call intern attention). I NEED, I NEED...SOMETHING. To know I'm employable. To have contact with people other than customers. To not be so stupidly hard on myself.

Shalom. Be still and know that I am God.

urban annoyances

Gaaaaaaaa!!!!! It drives me bonkers when...

-the quarters machine in the laundry room downstairs breaks down
-the convenience store people next door won't give you more than $1 worth of quarters at a time and each load costs $1.50
-you get on a sardine bus in rush hour to discover your Metrocard has 0.00 dollars
-CB customers want you to box stuff, so you do, then they decide the box is too big so you could please take it all out?
-you walk outside and step in a yellow pooch puddle even though your building supposedly has a no pets policy

baaaah humbug!!

dream job dreamin'

(pre P.S.: New record reached for comments on candeo! Haha! Thanks for all who added their two cents to my ridiculously good looking ramblings. Mr. DB, you crack me up.)

Question of the day: What's your dream job? What could you imagine doing, for a very long time, for potentially very little pay?

I really like asking people this question, even if it's slightly unpleasant to return to reality after the day dreaming. Some of the most memorable replies include ski patrol, pastry chef, forest ranger and cosmetics color namer (What a job, who comes up with that stuff? I own lipgloss called "Pagoda".).

Back to the question at hand. Dream jobs. Maybe you've seen Chariots of Fire? Or have heard that very oft-quoted line from the film,

"When I run, I feel God's pleasure."

Is it unrealistic to find a decent-paying job that allows one to say, even if not exactly all the time, but most of the time, that when I do __________, I feel God's pleasure?

When I faciliate discussions on faith,
When I help others know they are loved, develop their gifts, remind them of their future glory in God,
When I write about this--I do feel God's pleasure.

hot for a day

I've always wanted to be really really ridiculously good looking. And for maybe the first time ever, I got to kinda sorta experience what it would be like to be hot hot hotness for a day.

Picture this: me, in a cute, red C&B apron, over an old but equally cute denim dress. Then picture some barely out of their teens stockroom boys following me around all day in the store. "Do you have a MySpace? I swear I've seen you on MySpace." "Are you mixed? What are you?" I tell them to guess. "You're mixed. Not Chinese...Too sexy to be Chinese." They really said that, I'm not making it up. They also just dismissed 1.3 million people as having no hotness potential whatsover.

So is this is what it's like to be ridiculously good looking? Having people beam goofily at you, hanging onto your every word, laughing at ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING you say like you're comedy queen?

In my youth, I would have ran off screaming or quit on the spot. Now, I am just amused. Hee.